I’ll be back here posting in August!
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Posts Tagged ‘happiness’
my groundhog day
Posted in memoir, photography, self-discovery, tagged being vulnerable, borderline personality disorder, connections, emotions, expectations, fear, freedom, gray area, happiness, intuition, joy, just be, memoir, motherhood, near death, ordinary life, postpartum, self-discovery, symbolism, therapy, thinking, truth, writing on June 29, 2012 | 2 Comments »
{taken early morning, August 26, 2010, from my living room window}
It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in this living room, thinking how my life was feeling more and more like that movie Groundhog Day. I was waiting for E .(nearly 2 weeks overdue) to arrive and part of me was completely terrified for his arrival because deep-down I knew that somehow, someway, giving birth to him was going to be a monumental pivot point in my life – my family’s life. And not in the typical-new-baby-fashion.
{my big E. belly! also on August 26, 2010}
Sometimes things just feel indescribably more important than what you think they should feel like.
I felt that it was the one event in my life that would suddenly click into place and “poof”, my Groundhog Day would end and a new course would begin.
(Boy, did it ever! A near-death experience, traumatic post-partum issues, discovering the whole BPD thing)
I’m so very grateful for my wonderfully simple yet utterly profound life. My husband. My kids. My house. My dog. Even my car. My entire life – in general – in its entirety – from the miniscule to the extraordinary.
I feel like a warrior now – a weary one at times – but still a warrior.
I have returned home from my battles to heal, inside and out. There will be scars.
There are scars, inside and out.
I will continue to heal, knowing with confidence that I am stronger than I could ever have imagined.
My sword, my shield, hanging proudly above my heart’s mantle. A reminder to myself and a warning to any threatening forces.
–> I am a warrior <–
the law of love
Posted in gray area, why I blog, tagged artist, being vulnerable, blogging, connections, emotions, freedom, gratitude, growing, happiness, inner child, introvert, joy, just be, love, making lists, ordinary life, self-discovery, therapy, thinking, truth, writing on June 26, 2012 | 2 Comments »
Gratitude is the buzz word these days. Be thankful for all that you have, send positive energy out into the Universe and it will be reciprocated tenfold.
Yes, I believe in Gratitude.
But, first and foremost, I believe in Love.
Source: youngmarriedchic.com on Pinterest
Awhile back, I stumbled upon this blog post about writing a daily love list.
It struck a chord with me, and I’ve been writing love lists in my private journal for weeks now.
- I love writing.
- I love sharing my writing.
Those were the first two things I decided to list the very first time I did the exercise. At the time, I was feeling silly and self-absorbed for even considering that my blog would be reader-worthy. But then, I realized, who really cares? I blog because I feel the need to share these pieces of myself with the world.
Like so many other writer-types out there, I am an introvert. So if you were to meet up with me in person, I would likely be quiet and reserved, especially if I didn’t know you very well. This is my space in the world to share those thoughts and feelings, musings, etc. that I would likely keep bumping into in my mind for years to come, never finding a voice to free them.
This love list thing – I dare you to try it sometime! Sit down with your journal, or a laptop, or even a napkin – and write a list of 10 things that you love (about yourself, your life, the world around you!). I guarantee the more you do it, the more you’ll love it!
Love is where we come from and where we are going.
In the wise words of The Beatles’, “Love is all you need.“
I believe in Love.
I hope you believe in Love too.
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What do you love most about what makes you, You? Have you ever made a love list or a gratitude list? Is love really all you need (besides the basics of food, shelter, etc.)?
a garden update
Posted in beginnings, creative hobbies, family, fun, gardening, photography, tagged garden, growing, happiness, inner child, intuition, joy, just be, memoir, motherhood, ordinary life, parenting, Summer on June 15, 2012 | Leave a Comment »
We planted our garden about 10 days ago. B. and E. had fun playing in the dirt. D., well, he lost interest after the first couple plants…not what I expected, considering he was the most excited about making a garden this year! Six year olds – go figure!
We have three of these little circles, each with similar veggies growing. One for each of the kiddos.
They are probably a bit undersized for the plants, but we’ll just see how it all grows this year. So far there have been two hail storms that threatened to rip these little guys to shreds…thankfully, the hail stayed about pea-sized and little damage was done!
I am looking forward to watching these gardens grow, watching my kiddos learn to take care of them, and learning about growing my family’s food – something I’ve always been curious about, but never tried.
These three little gardens are going to be one of our summertime adventures this year! Here’s to long sunshine-y days!
everything zen
Posted in family, fun, memoir, summer, why I blog, tagged freedom, growing, happiness, inner child, joy, just be, just write, memoir, motherhood, ordinary life, parenting, Summer, writing, Zen on June 12, 2012 | 2 Comments »
Zen – (n) 1. contemplation of one’s essential nature to the exclusion of all else is the only way of achieving pure enlightenment
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I am settling into summer’s essence. Sunshine warming my skin, vibrant blue skies above, and the hum of life all around me.
We walked down to the school-park again this morning. It’s quiet and I love watching E. wander around picking dandelions.
My eyes, my ears…my senses are so much more alive right now than I ever remember them being before. I watched my little people running and playing and rolling down the grassy hills. I thought about joining in, I really did.
And maybe I should have.
Except that it felt so inexplicably perfect to sit on the steps and watch them be them.
They are happy. They are content. And they are so full of love.
I lost myself in the moment, just floating above it all while a true and deep sense of calm radiated itself through my body.
I don’t really have words for it. Just Be comes to mind, yet it was so much more and so much less – in the true nature of Zen.
I do know this…it was good.
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Have you ever found yourself truly in the moment? Does time ever stand still, only for you to realize it after the fact? I’m not talking “sci-fi” here, I’m talking real life. Have you found that place where you are safe to lose yourself? For me, my kids take me there all the time – and so does my free-writing/journaling…sometimes even when I’m sewing I feel myself floating away. What about you?
carefree summer day
Posted in family, fun, gardening, summer, tagged garden, growing, happiness, inner child, joy, just be, motherhood, ordinary life, parenting on June 4, 2012 | Leave a Comment »
The morning was filled with garden stores and lunch away from home – me, D., B. and E. Usually it’s a bit stressful, considering I am grossly outnumbered (not to mention they are 6, 4 and 1!)! But today, it wasn’t too bad. Dare I say, it was even enjoyable! (who is this person, and where did she come from?! – I hope she’s planning to stay awhile!)
Our seedlings didn’t fare too well when we transplanted them. Our backyard gets hot-hot, and well, I should’ve used some of our beach umbrellas for a little direct-sun protection for the first few days. Oh well! I’m learning the hard way! So instead of looking at a sad and empty garden bed all summer long, we decided to purchase some nursery grown veggies.
Our evening will be filled with dirty little fingers and toes, planting our new little friends. And I will likely dig out the beach umbrellas for added protection from the sun in the days to come! I am determined to grow this garden!
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I am so honored to be the winner of this weekend’s Trifecta challenge…what a happy surprise for Monday!
Thanks to all those who have stopped by to read and to those who have taken the time to comment too! I love it! XOXO
time marches on {just write}
Posted in gray area, memoir, tagged emotions, fear, gray area, happiness, inner child, joy, just be, just write, motherhood, ordinary life, parenting, truth on May 22, 2012 | 4 Comments »
The sun is 4th of July hot. E. is picking up ants – “an, an” he says as he shows me the tiny black bugs crawling over his palm. ”Put the ants on the ground, Baby. Be nice to the ants.” We don’t hurt bugs at our house. He wanders over to his water table, and starts to sip water from his shovel, “num, num”.
The thrum of bass and pop-y vocals rises up over the low hum of distant cars, the chirping birds and the breeze whispering through the tall Ponderosas.
The neighbor boy busies himself, cleaning up his parent’s patio, his Life’s soundtrack making the work just a bit more like play. There’s a party in his honor this weekend, he’s graduating from the same high school I did 18 years ago.
How funny time is. 18 years ago, I was 18 years old. Listening to the soundtrack of my Life…Pearl Jam, Nirvana, The Cranberries. Those are oldies in his book. And my brand new, 1994, Red Hyundai Excel (the car I learned to drive stick with), is surely in a junk yard by now.
I look over at E., still sipping and splashing away, and I can’t help but feel a little pull of sadness and nostalgia. The first 18 years of my life, well, they couldn’t happen fast enough. The second 18 years slipped by with so much busyness and change, and I fear that my third set of 18 years will do the same.
“The days are long, but the years are short.”
Those words are so very true.
They have become my mantra, in a sense. And I find myself getting up out of my lounge chair and sitting down beside E. to splash and be splashed.
I blink back the tears – bittersweet.
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I’m linking up to Heather of the EO and her Just Write series. Click on over, and check out her amazing words and many, many others that are joining in!
famished soul
Posted in gray area, self-discovery, tagged anti-transformation, happiness, joy, just be, ordinary life, writing on April 13, 2012 | Leave a Comment »
Happiness is fleeting.
You grasp at it wildly, throwing yourself into situations and emotions that flicker with happy. And then you lay in bed, staring at the shadowy star of the ceiling fan, wondering where you put it. Where did it (happy) go?
Capturing it is futile. Growing it, impossible. For your soil is barren, dry, infertile.
Joy is the sustenance for happy. Joy is the rain, the sun, the organic matter that happiness thrives in.
I’ve got that much figured out. Joy is not the same as happy.
Joy is deeper, richer, more filling (and fulfilling). It bubbles up from your soul, feeding your happiness.
So, here’s my question…
If you feed your soul, will it bubble up joy?
It’s worth a try.
{welcome!}
{my gray garden}
{the gray area}
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