…you probably think this blog is about you.
Well, you’re wrong! It’s about me! (I’m the vain one here!)
Vanity & Aging.
It happens to the best of us. No matter how hard we try to defy time (and gravity!) our bodies insist of sagging and wrinkling and discoloring (age spots, gray hairs).
And I think it’s one of those things – like having kids – that you don’t fully understand until it happens to you. Until more recent years, I never really understood why women would spend hundreds of dollars on those anti-aging elixirs…or even cosmetic surgery!
I always thought I would “age gracefully” – which meant that I would look years younger than I actually was! But, today, at 36 years old, when I look in the mirror, or I see photos of myself, I think, “Who is that woman?!”
I don’t feel old…but I sure do look old!
I know that part of my problem stems from my tumultuous relationship with my own mother. Instead of seeing myself, I see my mom. Damn you, genetics! Don’t get me wrong, she is an attractive woman, but she’s the last person I want looking back at me in my mirror!
This aging thing feels like it just snuck up on me. I was busy for the past 7 years being a wife and mother (I even juggled career for the first four years!) and unfortunately, I lost myself along the way. Not entirely, mind you. But I certainly lost the part that swore she would never “let herself go“.
I have let myself go. I wear elastic waistbands (oh how I heart thee yoga pants!) 95% of the time…because they’re so comfy and I still have about 15 lbs of baby fat to lose (my baby is almost two now, so that baby fat excuse is getting pretty thin!). I seldom wear makeup…and my freckles are starting to morph into age spots, not to mention the wrinkles around my eyes and forehead. Can you say, “Laser surgery is my friend”?
I am fully aware of the “You’re only as old as you feel” adage. And mentally, I am feeling better than I have in so, so long. I am very grateful for that. I do realize that maybe my outward appearance has slipped because I’ve been doing lots of restructuring and sorting out on the inside. I also realize that I am certainly not alone in my wishful vanities and anti-aging battles.
I’m still me. That mom-like person looking back at me in the mirror…that’s still me too. I am a mom (but that does not mean that I am my mom). Who I am on the outside is not nearly as important as who I am on the inside…but I have a sneaking suspicion now that my insides are humming along my outsides want some much needed (and missed!) attention!
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It seems a little shallow and silly to be talking so much about my outsides…but the outside and the inside both play a part in what makes me a whole person! Society is so hypocritical – expecting supermodel beauty, but telling you how shameful vanity is! Do you feel like your insides and outsides match/work together?
Just Write is already in it’s 40th weekly installment…go read some more!
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