Posts Tagged ‘ordinary life’

curly spider web {my illustrations}

Posted in art, autumn, creative hobbies, tagged , , , , , , , on September 13, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

my curly web

{filagree is fun to draw!}

With Autumn quickly approaching now (my young Oak tree in the backyard turned yellow overnight!) – I find myself inspired more and more by the whimsy of fall and Halloween.

This is a small illustration I did based off of a stamp I saw at the art supply store a few weeks back. I snapped a picture with my phone to remind me of my inspiration. I use my phone’s camera All. The. Time. for those little inspiring images that I find while out and about. Otherwise, I think my sketchbook would remain blank!

Read Full Post »

walk on by

Posted in family, health, school days, tagged , , , , , on September 11, 2012 | 4 Comments »

No one walks to school.

Our suburbia landscape fills with a steady stream of cars, minivans and SUVs every single morning, around 8 am.

I watch as fellow parents that live on our street, load up their kids each morning as our little brigade passes their driveways, backpacks bobbing and ponytails swinging.

Even the handful that stay at home (like me), choose to drive the less than half mile down the road to school each morning.

The cars line the roads, parking just a few blocks from their very own driveway.  Everyone unloads – moms and dads included – and walks to the classroom doors.

It’s such a phenomenon that the school’s administration has sent home numerous questionnaires asking about the parent’s chosen method of transportation.  Because the overload of cars at and around the school every morning (and afternoon) is mind-boggling and chaotic, as one might guess.

Is everyone really just that lazy?  I know that many moms have “saluted” me as some kind of hero for pushing a stroller and toting along two others every morning.  Like I’m doing something above and beyond the norm.  Which I guess, in my little world, I am.  But, seriously?  It seems like so much more of a pain in the ass to deal with boosters and carseats and parking, etc.

I understand how hectic and hard it is to get everyone out the door in the mornings.  But that’s just life with kids.  I slap my ponytail in my hair, don my yoga pants (that have never seen a yoga studio!), a t-shirt and slide sunglasses over my naked face.

And we walk to school.

{Source: http://blog.invisiblecreature.com via Pinterest}

Which makes us quite out of the ordinary in our little world.

:::    :::    :::    :::    :::    :::    :::    :::

Do you walk your kids to school most days? How close to the school do you live? Don’t get me wrong…I do drive them on certain days…yucky weather or sick siblings or if I need to run errands that morning, but we do walk 80% of the time!
I’m joining Heather of the EO today with Just Write. Go check out lots of other great writers/bloggers/mommies!

Read Full Post »

my shoes {my August photos}

Posted in creative hobbies, fun, photography, summer, tagged , , , , on August 15, 2012 | 1 Comment »

shoes
{my shoes}

These are some of my favorite fall and winter shoes! During the summer, you’ll find me in flip flops or with bare feet most of the time!

Read Full Post »

reflections of Mommy {my August photos}

Posted in creative hobbies, photography, summer, tagged , , , , , on August 9, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

photo
{a faceless self-portrait}

Yesterday was just one of those days. Baby boy E. was all shades of cranky and fussy and needy. So after a couple hours of attempting to entertain him inside, I decided we both needed a little fresh air. I scooped him up into my Ergo carrier (my favorite by far!) and tucked his blue blankie in with him. Within minutes of wandering through the backyard he fell asleep.

With B. and D. happily entertained inside by Curious George, I settled in with E. at the picnic table to enjoy a few quiet moments and recharge from a stressful morning.

:::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::

OK – so it’s not entirely faceless…but people have always told me how expressive and intense my eyes are – and I think this little snapshot taken with my phone captured those eyes that everyone else sees.      

Read Full Post »

the art of survival

Posted in art, creative hobbies, gray area, tainted childhood, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 1, 2012 | 1 Comment »

We are all bored out of our minds.

So – we look for more every single day.

The balance of nature has been offset for so long – our survival instincts to find food, shelter and water – have no where to go except the aisles of our abundant grocery stores.  And houses of all shapes and sizes fill the land as far as the eye can see.  Sure, we have to have money to provide all of this, but earning a paycheck does little to fulfill our innate need for survival.

{Source: homesteadingsurvivalism.myshopify.com on Pinterest}

There is little reward felt at the end of the day for a job well done because the job(s) most of us do have such intangible results.  Instead of filling our days with hunting and gathering – surviving – we fill our days with computer screens, virtual meetings and fuzzy, beige-y gray partitions.

Even those of us who don’t work in the traditional sense (housewives, like me!) – while sometimes it may feel like we are traipsing through the muck and mire of a vast frontier, in actuality, we have homes filled with running water and electricity keeping our food cold, our clothes clean and our bellies full (at least most of us do  - I do realize that people do without these things even here in the US).

When basic survival isn’t at hand, it seems to be in human nature to constantly look for ways to fill our desires and to constantly look for more desires to fill.

Don’t get me wrong, I am just as spoiled and comfortable – and quite possibly bored – as the rest of you!  I love sipping my iced coffee in my air conditioned living room as I tap away at the keys on this laptop.  In fact, I love it!

It’s not like I think civilization should reverse itself to fulfill our bored survival instincts.  But I do think it’s interesting to watch these instincts of ours try to busy themselves and take note of what they produce.

{Source: masikawa.tumblr.com on Pinterest}

Human survival instincts may just well be the foundation for the great creative minds out there!

Art - in all its glorious forms – could very well be the expression of our human survival instincts.

:::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::

Where do you think Art & Creativity are formed?  Are some people just born that way, or is a factor of survival?  The tortured artist is a cultural stereotype…do you think there is some truth to it?  Do you really need to endure and survive something extraordinary in order to be an artist? Or does “ordinary, modern human existence” qualify as surviving something extraordinary? I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Oh, and Happy August to all!!  

Read Full Post »

my groundhog day

Posted in memoir, photography, self-discovery, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2012 | 2 Comments »

IMG_0369

{taken early morning, August 26, 2010, from my living room window}

It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in this living room, thinking how my life was feeling more and more like that movie Groundhog Day.  I was waiting for E .(nearly 2 weeks overdue) to arrive and part of me was completely terrified for his arrival because deep-down I knew that somehow, someway, giving birth to him was going to be a monumental pivot point in my life – my family’s life.  And not in the typical-new-baby-fashion.

IMG_0366

{my big E. belly! also on August 26, 2010}

Sometimes things just feel indescribably more important than what you think they should feel like.

I felt that it was the one event in my life that would suddenly click into place and “poof”, my Groundhog Day would end and a new course would begin.

(Boy, did it ever!  A near-death experience, traumatic post-partum issues, discovering the whole BPD thing)

I’m so very grateful for my wonderfully simple yet utterly profound life.  My husband.  My kids.  My house.  My dog.  Even my car.  My entire life – in general – in its entirety – from the miniscule to the extraordinary.

I feel like a warrior now – a weary one at times – but still a warrior.

I have returned home from my battles to heal, inside and out.  There will be scars.

There are scars, inside and out.

I will continue to heal, knowing with confidence that I am stronger than I could ever have imagined.

My sword, my shield, hanging proudly above my heart’s mantle.  A reminder to myself and a warning to any threatening forces.

–> I am a warrior <–

Read Full Post »

let freedom ring

Posted in family, memoir, self-discovery, why I blog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

I’ve been reading through some of my old, personal journal entries lately.  Partly for my therapy sessions and partly because I like to be reminded where I’ve been from time to time.  This one struck me as pretty important, and I think sharing it with the world (you!) is pretty important too.  Just so you know, this is pretty much verbatim from my journal…I’ve only edited out the mis-spellings and some grammar to help it flow better.

:::    :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The future is now.  And here I am…8 months later and I’m still avoiding a decision.  Stay or Go?  I’m still in the holding pattern.  Probably the biggest, most in-your-face-reason why I avoid this journal.  Fear.

Fear of making a decision.  Fear of making the wrong decision.  Fear of making the right decision.  I never thought I feared change, but this change is so big and life-altering…the best kind of change out there, really.

Transformation lies ahead of me.  I worry.

I worry if “they” will accept my transformation.  I worry if I will be able to stay a good mother and a good wife.

It (this change) will set me free.  At least that’s what I’ve heard.  You know, from those countless intuitive/soul-searching books?  I am FREE.  Who says I can’t continue to live in abundance?

Source: mr-little.com on Pinterest

Sometimes letting go of things no longer needed is the best way to “have more”.  Be more.

I cleaned out half my clothes in my closet over the course of the past year.  Letting go is so invigorating.  But it is so hard to let go of my paycheck.  I feel silly and stupid and greedy all for the same reason.  I want to be with my babies.  I don’t want my parents to have such a major role in my daily/weekly life.  I don’t want to be stuck in the same dysfunctional parent-child relationship as an adult.  I want to feel like I am important.  I am a mother.  And a damn good one to boot.  My parents don’t really see me for who I am.

I want freedom.  But I fear that freedom I crave will imprison me in other ways.  Financial, and as a result, emotionally with Owen.  He says he supports me.  And I think that he really does.  I think that my fear is skewing my judgement, as fear so readily and easily does.  I want to jump down the rabbit hole.  I want to do so with wild abandonment –> I won’t look back.

Owen wants me to ask about a “leave of absence”.  And – really – it does make logical sense.  But emotionally, it is just a connection to the past.  Will it be a strong enough connection with the past to affect my life?  Hmmm….?  Hard to say, really.  I have learned through writing and reading and many serendipitous encounters that I have the sole key to my own happiness.  And I’m finally “getting it”.  Slowly (and sometimes in big waves and rushes of inspiration) I now SEE ME.  I honestly think I NEED to cut the ties of my job, my career.

All of this stuff that surrounds me…it’s just stuff.  My fear is just the “sad-bad-mad” little pill living inside my head.  It’s followed me from my past.  Sure, nothing’s perfect, but it seems like I have been choosing, searching for ways to wallow in pain and wallow in misery.  Seraching for reasons to feel more pitiful.  What a crock of crap!

I am truly blessed.  And I don’t need to find any missing pieces of my soul/my self in this life.  I AM WHOLE.  I was born WHOLE.  Just like D. and B. are whole, pure little souls.  I have that power within me.  I Am Free To Be Me.  I know that I am with who I need to be with on my journey.  Owen, D. and B.  We will travel this journey together.

Anyhow – I just want to purge – everything around me.  I know it doesn’t sound rational, but it’s just spilling out of me.  I want to be in nature.  The pressures of “having” can be overwhelming.  It takes up precious time and precious energy and precious, precious moments of bliss and love.

I don’t want to be so connected to the chaos of the internet and the TV. It’s addictive – and I feel the yearnings and cravings for my “fix” even while I am outside playing with my babies.  I don’t like it.  It makes me feel black and moldy on the inside.  It’s not real.

I want to feel real, present.  I want to feel invigorated.

I am ready to take the leap.  Right now.

I want to purge & release & change everything.

:::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::

It still took me another 6 months to finally cut the cord to my career.  My parents were watching my two kids during the two days each week that I was working, which I knew wasn’t healthy for any of us…but I just couldn’t put my finger on exactly why.  This  was written nearly 4 years ago, and it is amazing to me how much has changed since then.  Perhaps this entry was the catalyst for me to finally listen to my intuition and do what was right for me and my family?  

Read Full Post »

the law of love

Posted in gray area, why I blog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 26, 2012 | 2 Comments »

Gratitude is the buzz word these days.  Be thankful for all that you have, send positive energy out into the Universe and it will be reciprocated tenfold.

Yes, I believe in Gratitude.

But, first and foremost, I believe in Love.

Source: youngmarriedchic.com on Pinterest

Awhile back, I stumbled upon this blog post about writing a daily love list.

It struck a chord with me, and I’ve been writing love lists in my private journal for weeks now.

-  I love writing.

-  I love sharing my writing.  

Those were the first two things I decided to list the very first time I did the exercise.  At the time, I was feeling silly and self-absorbed for even considering that my blog would be reader-worthy.  But then, I realized, who really cares?  I blog because I feel the need to share these pieces of myself with the world.  

Like so many other writer-types out there, I am an introvert.  So if you were to meet up with me in person, I would likely be quiet and reserved, especially if I didn’t know you very well.  This is my space in the world to share those thoughts and feelings, musings, etc. that I would likely keep bumping into in my mind for years to come, never finding a voice to free them.

This love list thing – I dare you to try it sometime!   Sit down with your journal, or a laptop, or even a napkin – and write a list of 10 things that you love (about yourself, your life, the world around you!).  I guarantee the more you do it, the more you’ll love it!

Love is where we come from and where we are going.

In the wise words of The Beatles’, “Love is all you need.“

I believe in Love.

I hope you believe in Love too.

:::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::     :::

What do you love most about what makes you, You?  Have you ever made a love list or a gratitude list?  Is love really all you need (besides the basics of food, shelter, etc.)?  

Read Full Post »

you’re so vain…

Posted in memoir, self-discovery, why I blog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 20, 2012 | 6 Comments »

…you probably think this blog is about you.

Well, you’re wrong! It’s about me! (I’m the vain one here!)

Vanity & Aging.

It happens to the best of us. No matter how hard we try to defy time (and gravity!) our bodies insist of sagging and wrinkling and discoloring (age spots, gray hairs).

And I think it’s one of those things – like having kids – that you don’t fully understand until it happens to you. Until more recent years, I never really understood why women would spend hundreds of dollars on those anti-aging elixirs…or even cosmetic surgery!

I always thought I would “age gracefully” – which meant that I would look years younger than I actually was! But, today, at 36 years old, when I look in the mirror, or I see photos of myself, I think, “Who is that woman?!”

I don’t feel old…but I sure do look old!

I know that part of my problem stems from my tumultuous relationship with my own mother. Instead of seeing myself, I see my mom. Damn you, genetics! Don’t get me wrong, she is an attractive woman, but she’s the last person I want looking back at me in my mirror!

This aging thing feels like it just snuck up on me.  I was busy for the past 7 years being a wife and mother (I even juggled career for the first four years!) and unfortunately, I lost myself along the way.  Not entirely, mind you.  But I certainly lost the part that swore she would never “let herself go“.

I have let myself go.  I wear elastic waistbands (oh how I heart thee yoga pants!) 95% of the time…because they’re so comfy and I still have about 15 lbs of baby fat to lose (my baby is almost two now, so that baby fat excuse is getting pretty thin!).  I seldom wear makeup…and my freckles are starting to morph into age spots, not to mention the wrinkles around my eyes and forehead.   Can you say, “Laser surgery is my friend”?

I am fully aware of the “You’re only as old as you feel” adage.  And mentally, I am feeling better than I have in so, so long.  I am very grateful for that.  I do realize that maybe my outward appearance has slipped because I’ve been doing lots of restructuring and sorting out on the inside.  I also realize that I am certainly not alone in my wishful vanities and anti-aging battles.

I’m still me.  That mom-like person looking back at me in the mirror…that’s still me too.  I am a mom (but that does not mean that I am my mom).  Who I am on the outside is not nearly as important as who I am on the inside…but I have a sneaking suspicion now that my insides are humming along my outsides want some much needed (and missed!) attention!

 

:::      :::      :::      :::      :::      :::      :::      :::

It seems a little shallow and silly to be talking so much about my outsides…but the outside and the inside both play a part in what makes me a whole person!  Society is so hypocritical – expecting supermodel beauty, but telling you how shameful vanity is!  Do you feel like your insides and outsides match/work together?  

Just Write is already in it’s 40th weekly installment…go read some more!

Read Full Post »

a garden update

Posted in beginnings, creative hobbies, family, fun, gardening, photography, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 15, 2012 | Leave a Comment »

We planted our garden about 10 days ago.  B. and E. had fun playing in the dirt.  D., well, he lost interest after the first couple plants…not what I expected, considering he was the most excited about making a garden this year!  Six year olds – go figure!

garden1

We have three of these little circles, each with similar veggies growing. One for each of the kiddos.

garden2

They are probably a bit undersized for the plants, but we’ll just see how it all grows this year. So far there have been two hail storms that threatened to rip these little guys to shreds…thankfully, the hail stayed about pea-sized and little damage was done!

garden3

I am looking forward to watching these gardens grow, watching my kiddos learn to take care of them, and learning about growing my family’s food – something I’ve always been curious about, but never tried.

garden4

These three little gardens are going to be one of our summertime adventures this year! Here’s to long sunshine-y days!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 55 other followers